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 Author |  Z Relief (currently 2158 views) | ||||
| Jean-Pierre Chapoteau |
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New
Location Atlanta, GA Posts 111 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
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| another_punchline |
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Guest User | Jeanpierre: Very nice job on this script. I'll try to give feedback that has not been giving yet or at least add something different, here. First, I didn't get the red box at first but I think the fact that it is explained later in the script is fine. It leaves an unanswered question that we can anticipate later, no problem with that. I think the dialogue was very sharp and well-written. I do agree that Crisolla is a little bit cold. I understand that knowing what she knows, she would naturally try todisconnect from Leon, but I think just a subtle hint of her guilt for this would help her be a more compassionate and relatable character. As far as what Green said about the story being flushed out, I totally disagree. This is a short film, and I think the great aspect aspect to a short film is it can, so some degree, be left to interpretation. We don't have time to fully flush out characters and give a lot of backstory, so the art of a good short film (and many times a feature as well) is to show the main points of the story in a way that give enough exposition to let the audience figure the rest out. In this, as soon as you show the cage of zombies Crisolla can't bare to look at her people being caged, and that said everything that needed to be said. I got the raw steak as well, but that one look said it all. The ending I think is not that problematic, I mean I could see why others would attack. They are all trying to suppress their urges, and seeing a zombie get down on some fresh human would be like watching a guy eat a t-bone on your first day as a vegetarian. I think if you want to make it more subtle, maybe instead of having the other zombies join in, just have two or three walking by as it's happening and watch but do nothing. That will still show that the other zombies are out their, living amongst us, and give a kind of eery ticking time bomb feel as they walk by and just stare at a man being eaten alive. Again, very nice work. | ||||
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